How's Your Walk with God?

Title: Losing My Religion
Cast: family, friends, in-laws, ex-girlfriend, people
Plot: Why Monkey Boy is a heathen

1973-1983: I had no idea what religion was.  I didn't have any friends that I knew of who were religious.  My friends didn't attend church.  I was blissfully ignorant.  My religion was Pac-Man.

1984: my sister gets married to a man whose parents are baptist ministers.  Thus I began to dabble in religion.  The church was located four houses away from our home.  Everything my sister did involved the church before and after they married.  By everything I mean profanity ridden softball games in the church league. Practically every game I played in or watched ended in a scuffle.  My brother-in-law had a short temper and threatened physical harm to me more than once.  Jesus didn't like this behaviour of his, but the brother-in-law wasn't fazed by Jesus' displeasure.

1985-1986: Monkey Boy attended church on Sundays.  Not sure why I did it, but I think it was about getting out of the crowded house to see new people, including church camping excursions in the mountains.  Once at church I was naturally skeptical of stories I read in the bible.  I started to pull away because the fit wasn't right. 

Prayer wasn't something I could grasp either, trust me I tried.  I clutched my two hands together while in bed each night and began a long laundry list of things I was thankful for.  It would go something like this.

Dear God, thank you for the electric blanket, the turkey sandwich, the Atari, and the lovely fall rain.  God, thanks for my mom, my dad, my brothers, and my sister.  Thank you for the friends I know, the good football game I played.  Thank you for not getting beat up at school today.  Oh, and thank you for the roof over my head.  Amen. (elapsed time 3 minutes)

1987-1988: I forced myself to stop praying and then stopped going to church.  I remained rather conservative, but kicked church aside.  Praying to me got to be too much of a chore and the neverending list of thank yous seemed tiresome.  Literally speaking, I would almost always fall asleep while thinking up the prayers.  On some level prayer was comforting, but I wasn't doing it because I believed in God.  I did it because it was a way to clear my head.  (Now you see why I love blogging)

1989: unfortunately my oldest brother died of AIDS.  It was a very sudden death, yet that didn't stop members of my sister's new church from converting him to Christianity on his hospital death bed.  It appalled me and many other family members.  Typically the church isn't so understanding of gay lifestyles** and my brother was gay.  The 23rd hour conversion left a sour taste in my mouth.

1989-1991: following my brother's death I drifted further away from religion.  I kept hearing people say, "he was chosen for a reason" and it was not comforting in the least.  I didn't need or want to hear this.  My brother died at the age of 29 due to his closeted gay lifestyle. 

1991: at the end of the year, another brother of mine passed away in a tragic car accident.  He was only 25 years old and was a recent newlywed.  I asked myself lots of questions about why this happened.  I know it was a very unfortunate circumstance.  I realize many find comfort in religion after such tragedies, yet for me it did the opposite.   If there was a God, why did this stuff happen?  If there is a God why do many children die with cancer related illnesses each year?  Thus the skeptic in me was born.

1992: the final straw.  My older brother who lived with me in college reaches out.  My brother volunteered his time in the Baptist Student Union building near our apartment.  One early Saturday morning I answered the phone to a voice I've never heard before.  The man on the other end of the phone sounded suicidal.  Concerned about the stranger's life, I didn't hang up on the troubled man.  This guy had me and my brother confused.  He claimed to have met me which was a complete lie, yet he knew intimate details about my life and family. 

Turns out this guy lured my gullible brother/roommate into a sexually compromising situation the previous week.  My brother, too embarrassed to share the story, had some explaining to do.  I thankfully was skeptical about this guy's intentions and never met him as he hoped I would.  However, I spent 60 nervous minutes on the phone with him.  The Baptist Student Union dismissed what happened and cut off ties with my brother when they should have been kissing his ass.  Eventually we got notified the strange man was brought up on charges and we were to testify in the county court.  I didn't like taking the witness stand to talk about such a bizarre incident.  The case was dismissed and I felt let down by the crappy prosecutor assigned to our case.  This time it wasn't Jesus' fault.

1994-present: just not feeling the Jesus love.  I live a happy guilt free life now.  I used to feel guilty about not getting baptized.  I used to feel guilty for touching myself when I was a teenager.  I was told to spread the word of God, but that wasn't me.  I was far too skeptical of God as an early teenager, so that just wasn't going to work out. 

Summation: I lead a pretty happy life.  I'm not perfect, but I'm content with my beliefs.  When I did attend church I looked around the room and saw many unhappy people.  People who didn't seem to want to be there.  Most conversations I had with the masses seemed to be forced.  Ultimately, I was there because I was told there would be free food.  For those who do know me, I seldom pass up free food... a big family trait. 

This topic has been on my mind recently as we witnessed our friend's baby get baptized in her Greek church.  Part of me wishes I could believe in a higher power, but I can't.  I don't believe in heaven and hell.  I don't believe many religious folks take the most basic principle of God's word "treat others as you want to be treated" as seriously as they should.  There, I've said it.  This is a highly opinionated post and I'm sure some may be offended.  If you made it this far, congrats and thanks for reading.

**important note**: yes, I've made some sweeping generalizations in this post.  My bad. 

 

Comments

[ChickyBabe]

An open and honest post, Egan. I like it. A lot. I share similar beliefs to you. There's no need to justify what you think and how you feel.

[kirk]

In a such a religious society such as the US, it takes a lot of courage to be able to check "none of the above" on the religion box. I've been a godless heathen for decades now. I honestly don't remember actually having belief in a diety. I do remember learning of the Greek/Roman gods in school and wondering what separates those myths no one believed in with the Christian myth.

People will always ask me stupid questions like how can I experience love or what stops me from raping and killing without JC. I am an ethical, moral person even without the threat of eternal damnation. I have a sense of right and wrong that comes from millions of years of evolution of being a social animal.

I tend to keep my beliefs -- or lack thereof -- to myself. And only want people to treat me the same way. If someone is religious, that's great, as long as they do not tread on my right not to believe. No one needs to save me.

[nessa]

Your relationship or not with God is and should be very personal. No one else should tell you one way or the other and you should not be made to feel guilty.

[Guilty Secret]

I am so sorry to hear about your brothers.

I am very impressed by this very open, honest post. It made for really interesting reading. I imagine it must be very hard to stand up and say things like this in the US, because I have the impression it is a very religious society (compared to UK anyway).

Personally I was raised a Catholic and think aspects of that upbringing (such as telling teenage boys they'll go to hell if they touch themselves) are tantamount to child cruelty.

It's all about guilt, isn't it? Guilt is only helpful if it leads us to change our actions. Lots of religious teaching encourages us to feel guilty about things we're, frankly, never going to stop or change.

So, here I go, signing myself,

Guilty (oops)

P.S. I liked Kirk's comment above too, especially the second paragraph.

[Airam]

I haven't read any comments so don't know if I'm saying something that's already been said.

I'm a religious person. I work in a Catholic school (by choice). I don't go to church (by choice). Does that make me a bad person. Hell no. I don't believe in preaching what I believe by reciting scripture. I'm not a disciple. The way I "spread the word of the Lord" is through respect. And this is what I teach my students. Tolerance. Respect. Love. Kindness. This is how I teach religion.

I used to be the person who said, "if there was a God then bad things wouldn't happen. Kis wouldn't get cancer. People wouldn't get murdered." But I had to stop that line of thinking because God doesn't make people do things. He gave us free will to make our own choices and sometimes people don't make the right ones and innocent people are hurt. Sometimes people get sick and die. When a person gets cancer it upsets me to no end but I don't blame God for it. It's biological. I could get cancer tomorrow. I could have it now and not know it yet. My point is that too many people look to God or religion as a quick fix. God isn't a wizard where with the flick of a wand, he could make bad things go away. That would be completely awesome if that could happen.

There are a lot of aspects about my religion that I don't agree with and don't follow but that doesn't make me any less of a person. And if someone tries to convince me of that well then they're not someone that I want to know.

Anyways, my comment here isn't to try and convince you to believe because I respect the fact that you don't. I guess I just needed to tell my point of view.

[Chris]

I have great admiration and respect for someone so willing to post about such a subjective topic. I think one of the biggest problems in the world we live in, starting right with the idiotic GOP is their objective slant on a subjective topic.

I grew up in the Roman Catholic church and even suffered through 12 (twelve) years of Catholic torture school. From the very moment I had the ability to make decision and put together thoughts, I began to find contradictions in my so called religion.

As I got older, I began to live my own life in a model of faith by my own design and only did the Catholic thing to the extent of its requirements for school and/or family functions.

For more than 20 years I stood away from church and referred to my religion, when asked, as "Catholic by birth..." Through this time, I always had my faith and even witnessed a real miracle. I never didn't believe in a higher power but never, and still don't, stop questioning and challenging my faith. I think when we are young and grow up in religious environments, we are taught that it is bad to challenge our God. For me, it's been the only thing that has allowed my faith and spirituality to grow.

I do go to church every Sunday but not because I feel compelled to do so. I know that I can worship and pray by myself and be just fine. However, I was lucky enough to find a church where I do get fed not just spiritually, but emotionally and personally. I've made some friends there and have found ways to reach out to communities, not just locally, but globally, that I wouoldn't otherwise have thought about. But, this is what works for me.

I have gotten to know a little about you from what you ahve shared in your blog over the years. Regardless of your choice to believe in a "God" or having a "religion", I know that you are a caring, loving, and genuine human being. If more of the so called "religious right" were like you, this world would be a far better place.

Thank you so much for sharing, letting me have this much space to put my words, and for being a part of mine and all of our live here in our little community.

[Maggie]

Excellent post Egan. What Kirk said sums it up for me.

[justrun]

I share many similar struggles with religion. It's hard for me, when in a church, to feel like I fit in. Mostly, I think, it's because I'm not altogether comfortable with the idea that everything comes down to "giving it over to God." I'm a work-a-holic type and to me, giving things over seems like a cop out. This is not to say that some things are not out of our control, because I believe that,too.

While I do believe in God and consider myself to have a lot of faith, I can't say I'm entirely comfortable with church affiliation and what it's become in many parts of the world today. Maybe someday I'll find one that feels more like home and less like guilt, but that hasn't happened yet.

I won't give up on that idea, that people could come together with beliefs without judgment, but right now, and with my church experience, putting up with certain churches seems to take a lot more faith than having faith itself.

[armalicious]

I'm very proud of you, Egan, for posting all of this. This is a topic that is very sensitive to many, but I think it's great that you are true to yourself and willing to stand up for how you feel about this kind of subject.

I believe that you and I once had a nice long conversation about this particular subject and your "walk with God" - I mean your lack of a walk with God that is. I have to say that if you are happy with yourself - your life and you lead a good life, one where you treat others with dignity and respect even when you don't agree with what they are doing, then that makes you a good person.

I also know that now that you are a parent, the scrutiny you will recieve as Anna grows up is going to be tough. I can see how witnessing your friend's baptism could bring about all of these thoughts. It's hardwired in so many people that their children need to be brought up with a religious background. I worked with a girl who did not go to church and bascially denounced her Catholic upbringing, but made the comment that when she had a child, they would be raised Catholic because "it's what you do." I'm just not down with that kind of reasoning. So yeah, as your child grows up, it's going to be somewhat of a challenge when people ask what church you all go to. I'm sure it was easier to deflect those questions pre-baby. I guess if you're a childless couple, it's OK to be Godless, but once that baby comes it changes everything. And it's not right. And they try to make people feel guilty - the whole innocent life crap. I don't like how one's religion or lack of religion is basis for judgement and use of guilt to make someone do something.

Anyway, I may have repeated myself in that paragraph, but oh well. But I do like what the others have written about in their comments. You are a great person and knowing that you are a Godless Heathen does nothing to change my opinion of you. Mainly because I guess I'm in the same camp as you. And the way I look at it, if the Christians end up being right and there is a Heaven and Hell, then I guess I'll be in good company.

[Lynn]

I think that you are confusing church with God. They are definitely not the same. Many people who profess to have a deep belief in a higher power, only have an ego and a wish. Those who truly practice the presence of God don't brag about it, they just grace your life with compassion and understanding. I was never brought up with organized religion,(which so often tears people apart) just the religious traditions (they all seemed to involve eating), yet for me personally, I know within every fiber of my being that God exists and that God's presence helped me through some devastating times. That being said, my philosophy is that each person makes their own decisions based on where they are, and what they need at each moment in their lives.

[Tall Chick]

Aw heck, no one on the Left Coast believes in God anyway. ;-)

(just thought I'd add my own own sweeping generalisation ^_^)

I've had my bad scrapes with organised religion, too, but also plenty of good ones. More good than bad, actually, so lucky me. But, yeah, religion and church are completely different entities. My relationship with God/Goddess is always evolving and I find religion a fascinating subject, especially the more I learn about the smiliarites all across the board from ancient Pagan beliefs to modern Abrahamic religions. (Judaism, Christianity and Islam)

I can see where people would want to find a group of like-thinking people for discussion and worship or fellowship, but it seems to inevitably become to political for me. That said, when it works, it works. I bet the Greek service was cool. The ancient rituals give me chills. I went to temple with friends once and the sense of history and community was overwhelming. Too bad I don't fit in. :)

Religion is such a personal thing, and something that a lot of people don't feel safe sharing with others because of common stereotypes that have been made about just about every religion out there. :-P

[Think Jacob]

I also hate when people say that you should become a church member, or accept Jesus, "to be a part of a community." That's a bullshit reason if I've ever heard one. While in college, I searched. Having been raised Roman Catholic, I got tired of everything being a sin, and not just human nature. I visited Mosques, Temples, Churches, etc. Finally, I talked to a group of Buddhist Monks in Bridgview, IL. They didn't prosthelyze me, or try to sell their religion, like many others. They answered my questions, and gave me some things to think about. Ultimately, Buddhism was the best fit for me. There was no formal "conversion ceremony." I just accpeted the faith and agreed to study and practice. That was it. I'm not going to be a monk or anything, but most Christians don't become Priests or Pastors, either. I think faith in a higher power is important, and that all paths have their virtues. However, everyone was given free will to decide as they will, and some even choose Scientology. ;)

[brandy]

The one I've been waiting for. I'm glad you shared this Egan. I'm sorry about your brothers, that would have have been difficult to understand, no matter your age. And regardless of what society says, you've found something that fits with you and you seem content. I think many people struggle their whole life trying to find the peace that you seem to have. If it works for you, it works for you. End of story.

[Golden]

Stirring post. I have a lot to say, but don't have time right now. I will come back and read the comments and tell you how I feel.

[churlita]

I don't believe in organized religion, but I do think I'm a spiritual person.

When my daughters were younger and asked me why I didn't go to church, I told them that I prefer to go outside and appreciate nature. It makes more sense to me.

[meno]

Interesting Mr. Egan. I could write a bunch of stuff, but Kirk pretty much said it all for me.

I can't help thinking "What a long strange trip it's been."

Philosophy of life via lyrics, a concept i stole from patches.

[Cake Lady]

That was an amazing blog. My views are very much like Airam's. She did a great job with her comment.

[HLOGS]

I have to say I appreciate this post! I haven't read the other comments, but I for one am glad someone can just say that they don't believe in anything. I was brought up in a religious family (my grandmother is a southern babptist preacher..I know, a woman..) and I alway felt so WRONG. Like dirty or something. I wanted to feel all blissful and happy like everyone else but I just..didn't. It was more like "seriously, you guys believe this?". I tried to feel something (besides guilt and fear). But somehow the stories never jived for me. They were just..stories. I could never attach any meaning to any of it. Sure, I cry at the Christas service. Beautfil things make me cry! I just felt so weird pretending. My family still doesn't know I'm atheist. Before my cousin died, the last thing he said to me was "don't tell grandma I'm an atheist". Its weird, but sometimes the families with the most to hide (like his) are the most "religious". But he knew when to stop beleiving in a god who let him have the shitty life he had. Okay, that's all I'm going to say, though I could say much more! Thanks for the post,
Egan! You are brave to share not only your ideas but your past pain.

[tori]

I think religion is a very personal thing. I can't imagine how some people feel comfortable attending church. I just feel like it is way too personal for me to go somewhere and try to find people who believe all the same pieces as I do. I don't need the sense of community (I already have that other places) so for me church is pretty useless. I know not everyone feels the same way, and that is fine.

I don't think it is fair to judge a person based on what religion they are or what they believe. The only thing you can use to see who a person is, is what they do and who they actually are. You, my friend, are a good person. I didn't know what you believed, and now that I do it changes nothing of what I think of you. In case you didn't know, I think the world of you, as do many many other people.

I happen not to be sure what I believe, especially after my whole cancer ordeal. I have been following an interesting religion discussion on another blog recently and it seems everyone has great points. I think it is awesome that you shared this! Thank you for allowing us into your personal thoughts!

[Lynda]

If you live your life the way you want, you are happy, and you don't hurt others, what does it matter?

[sprizee]

I believe in a higher power but don't necessarily believe it can be found in "church". A lot of organized religions use their belief systems to judge others and spread hate. I believe in thought, questioning, free will, and Beatles song lyrics.

[Andrea]

Egan,

I am so sorry to hear about the tragic things that have happened to you and your family. As one who knows from tragedy, you've been dealt a tough hand. I don't know you, but it looks from your blog like you have an continue to do a good job dealing with all of this. Keep it up, dude.

[Gwen]

I'm really sorry about your brothers. And then the weird guy on the phone. You seem sort of surprisingly well adjusted, despite the fact that you're going to hell. :)

[Kale Rae]

In a society (such as the US) that "claims" to seperate Church and State but yet we all can see really doesn't - I commend you for being able to be upfront about your religious beliefs or lackthereof. It's unfortunate that in the US religion is such a black and white issue - when on some level non-religious is very much a religion in some way - whether it be a moral view, ethical view etc...whatever it is, it represents some sort of belief - just not a God-worshiping one.

[armalicious]

Are there enough comments up there for me to start being silly yet?

I'm starting my own religion. I decided today. Want to join it with me? We would worship blogging and all things that are of the bread family. Who knows...maybe someday you'd be the patron saint of this blog/bread religion.

[armalicious]

Hey. If Joseph Smith* can do it, then so can I.

*Google may or may not have been used to provide armalicious with confirmation that this was the correct name to use.

[egan]

ChickyBabe - thanks for reading this. I'm glad you share similar opinions. I don't mind sharing my take on this topic since I'm comfortable with my stance.

Kirk - amen in brother. I think you and I are on the same wavelength. I don't go around telling people I'm an atheist. Your second paragraph about morals is spot on. Great comment and no one needs to save me either.

Nessa - true that. Why do you suppose it's so personal?

Guilty Secret - well I think the U.S. isn't nearly as religious as one might think. I grew up in a rather godless part of the country though. I think those who don't believe are just sort of quiet about their stance. Guilt is horrible. Leaving religion in the dust has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. Thanks for your nice comment. Yeah, Kirk pulled it all together well.

Airam - you're all good. I read your comment and appreciate how well you stated your beliefs. I like this about you. I really like that you don't preach ever, leading by your actions. You told your story and I thank you for it.

Chris - I really enjoyed reading your comment on this. I know we have quite opposing views on religion, but it's great to see you don't let that get in the way. I'm glad to see you continue to question your faith. I think that's very healthy.

Maggie - Kirk is the hero the day. Let's bow in his general direction, south.

Justrun - very interesting comment here about your own personal struggles with religion. It's good to see you haven't given up on your pursuit of a church that fits you like a glove. Good luck with this.

Armalicious - I'm not too freaked out about the scrutiny Anna might receive. We live in a part of the country where the majority of people don't attend church regularly and don't have religious affiliations. If anyone does ask about how I will raise her, I will refer to her as Damien. It's about how you treat yourself and others isn't it?

[egan]

Lynn - I'm not confusing them. Church is where one goes to worship their particular deity. Both are nouns right? Anyways, I respect your take on this. Quietly having faith and keeping those beliefs to yourself is one thing. However when I see people protesting gay rights in the name of religion it leaves a really shitty taste in my mouth. I appreciate your input Lynn.

Tall Chick - the Left Coast is full of heathens. I'm glad you've had more good than bad experiences and that it works for you. The service is really cool with all the chanting. The traditions are steeped in so much history. People stereotype religions?

Think Jacob - you just had to throw the Scientology thing in there didn't you? Am I bad because I don't believe in a higher power? I dismiss the claims completely. I like how you experimented with religion. You're a good guy.

Brandy - I like you. End of story.

Golden - ha, this should be interesting. Gather your thoughts and come back. Please....

Churlita - I like the idea of being spiritual, but not necessarily religious. I love nature too. Did God create the mountains or was that science?

Meno - yeah, there's much that could be said I'm sure. Being that you're a couple years older than me I bet you have some tall tales. Me funny.

Cake Lady - Airam is a well put together person. I like her, therefore you should like her too.

Hlogs - hey, thanks for sounding off on this. Yeah, not believing in God in your part of the country can be rough. The term atheist sure does trigger some strong emotions when it's simply that you don't believe. No biggie, we just don't believe God ever existed. End of story. Sucks that your cousin felt the need to hide such things from your family. Thank you for your kind sentiments.

Tori - I'm happy to see you don't care what others think about you attending church. You're a good person too and I'm guessing you're very dependable and maybe even loyal to a fault. Thanks for your take on this. Cancer is a bitch!

Sprizee - by higher power, do you mean Bono?

Andrea - hello and welcome to my blog. I'm sorry the first post you commented on is such a serious topic. Yeah, it is a tough hand, but these events in my life have shaped who I am today. Thanks for the visit.

Gwen - you crack me up. Yes, I'm still going to hell because you say so. You're awesome. The weird guy was just a freaky story. I could do a separate post on that jackass.

Kale Rae- oh my, separation of church and state... sounds great in theory. I hated saying the Pledge of Allegiance. I'm not sure if you know it since you're Canadian, but it's something we said in grade school. We put our hand on our chest and would recite some long-winded sentence about our devotion to America and God. Why we said "under God" is a mystery to me? True, not being religious can be seen as a religion. I've seen gatherings of atheists, could that be considered a relgious gathering?

Armalicious - I would love to be the patron saint of something. Why not have it be blogging? I also like bread. Count me in.

Armalicious - ha, you confessing the Google part of Joseph Smith is fantastic. You and your research.

[The Older Bro...not a dead one...]

Lordy lordy...psych!

My power is to the people...I believe in the free will to be good/bad/otherwise...religion, "nono no"...

[Jennifer]

I truly believe it's a matter of exposure and timing. Which faith you are shown and in what way and whether or not it speaks to you in a powerful way.

We grew up very active in our church - Methodist - but in a laid back, good times, community involved way that never felt stiff or phony or Bible-thumping. And I still maintain a very strong faith and spirituality today, but for reasons known only to me, haven't stepped foot inside a church in a few years now.

But you know what's cool about that? When I was five our original church burned to the ground - everything but the chapel and the basketball gym. We held Sunday school in classrooms at a local college and I remember my minister coming around to talk to us one day while our church was being rebuilt. He said to us, "church is not a building. Church is what's in your heart and how you carry that out into the world."

I believed him then.

It's the very foundation of my "religion" now.

[L]

I am not a fan of organized religion. While I recognize that it does provide guidance and support to a great many people, I don't believe that any one religion is any more true or correct than another, or that people who don't share your religion are somehow of lesser moral fiber. I believe God (for lack of a better term) lives within and around you. Your job (or really, mine, since this is my belief) is to honor yourself and others while trying to be a good person. That means acknowledging your shortcomings and learning how to focus on the things you CAN change. There's a lot more I could tell you about what it means to me to lead a healthy, examined life, but maybe we should wait for another rainy day at a coffee shop in Pioneer Square.

[Airam]

I would like to join Arm's religion as well. Can I pretty please with a holy cherry on top?

[Java]

I liked your post, same here to many questions and why's in my life went un answered but when I also read Airiams comment I can't but say "Amen" to that!
Great post Egan, thanks for sharing.

[JQ]

Wow! What a touchy subject...see I say that and I really don't mean it. I could give a rats ass about someone's religious beliefs. As long as your beliefs don't tread on my freedom then we will get along just fine. Its when you start telling me how worthless I am for not succumbing to the mass hysteria that is religion that I draw the line.
I could ramble on all night about how I feel on certain forms of organized religion. I do believe it is the root of all evil, after all, Christians introduced the eternal struggle of good and evil in an attempt to gain control of the worlds will. Muslims proclaim Mohammud was peaceful, so why have they been killing the Jews and countless other infidels for centuries in an attempt to gain control of a piece of desert? Both of these religions want nothing more than to ultimately convert more followers to their side to prove their path was and is the righteous way.
And why is religion the only good thing to stumble into with blind faith. I give my whole life to some Deity in hopes that when I die I get to go to some indescribable utopia? Horse shit.
God, or whatever you wish to call the higher being (that is assuming there really is one) is within us. We are all part of the bigger conscience and therefore imperfections and all, we will rejoin that higher conscience when we pass from this plane. And not just humans but everything on this planet.

Damnit! I am worked up now! :) The more I think about it the more I have to say, so I will just stop now.

[sprizee]

Bono, Oprah. Same difference, right?

The people that scare me are the ones that blindly follow what other people say without thinking for themselves. I don't think you need to "know God" to know right from wrong. Amen.

[sprizee]

Am I preaching to the choir here? Can I get an amen?

[Cheryl]

Hey, turkey sandwiches are good. We should thank God for them. I've run the gammut of religion and faith. And for now, I've just decided "to be"

[Jenin]

I'm with you. Totally agree. I have had similar experiences and my children will not be baptized. Thanks for the post! It was nice to read someone who shares common beliefs these days!

[The Older Bro...not a dead one...]

So it'll be the "Church of Cupcakes, Turkey Sandwiches and Football Sundays" held under the Joshua Tree...with a huge "amen" singing choir! Closed on holidays.

[Diane Mandy]

Great post! This is a subject I have skirted around when explaining (or not explaining) various aspects my life. You're a braver blogger than me. I grew up in a very fundamental Christian family. Like you, I saw a lot of hypocrisy and callousness that caused me to reexamine everything I once believed. It took me 36 years to break away and I lost many "friends" in the process. But I’m not looking back.

Even though Max grew up Muslim, he ended up in exactly the same place. We watch the news and see those of the religions of both our families doing atrocious things in the name of God, and feel sorry for them. I believe that religion exists, in part, to separate people, to cause one group to feel superior to the other because they have the only way to God.

[armalicious]

Wait wait wait...Church of Cupcakes? I think I may do some revisions to my religion. I believe that's allowable when one makes up a religion.

Airam, you can definitely join this religion!! You can help me with the image of our patron saint.

And Sprizee makes me giggle uncontrollably. Thank Bono for her sassy humour. Amen Sprizee!

[sprizee]

Church of Cupcakes is the new Flying Spagetti Monster. This new religion needs a blog, don't you think? Let's make Monkey Boy the patron saint. The sugary spirit is moving me to pass out cookies to my neighbors and run around the block on a sugar high.

Flour, sugar, holy ghost.

[Golden]

All right.. I'm back.. I'm going to keep this brief!

I am recently divorced (as of October 1) I was married for 2 years. What does this have to do with God and religion you ask? Well, let me tell you.

Before I talk about that though, let me tell you about my sister. My sister is married to a minister. They are very involved in their church (obviously). I've been to church with her and her family. They are GOOD people and their life is a good one. That being said, I think one can still have the same quality of life without following organized religion. Anyway, I've been trying to figure out where I fit into this whole spiritual journey thing, and I decided that I would dig deeper and look at this religion thing. I then met my now ex husband. He is very into saying he's spiritual and he reads the bible quite a bit. However, he has an interesting interpretation of what God meant when he said that Wives should submit to their husbands. He took that LITERALLY. So, I couldn't disagree, I couldn't 'argue' with him, I basically had to become, well, the submissive wife.. all in the name of God. (This all didn't happen until after we were married by the way) Anyway, to make a long story short I basically told him he was nuts and bolted (haha.. nuts.. bolted..) out of that relationship. My sister was not happy. She is NOT a 'submissive' wife. Her husband (the minister) laughed out loud when I began to tell them my story and my ex's interpretation of what God says in the bible about submissive wives. I won't go into what their interpretation is, but let's just say there's a lot of back and forth and a lot of dialogue and my sister is not one to go quietly.

My point? It's all subjective and it's all personal and it's all how we interpret things. I realize too, that my ex had deeper issues but abuse is abuse, and when it's done in the name of God, well... that's just twisted.

I have stopped reading the bible since I left him. I haven't gone to church since I left him. I do believe that God is in me, we are all connected and I don't believe you are going to hell.

:-)

That being said.. I'd like a cupcake.. I can worship chocolate.

amen...

[Golden]

so much for keeping it short.

[Golden]

Sprizee is witty.

[brandy]

After reading the latest comments, I'm forced to realize that everyone else is far more clever than I right now. So I'm just going to say that I like any comment that includes the word 'cupcakes'. And that I want to join Arm's group, even though I can't eat the bread.

[celeste]

Every time you talk about your brothers' deaths, I feel very sad. Such tragedy for a family to have to endure. I commend you for being able to talk about it, and to share your thoughts. Great post Egan!

[mez]

thanks for writing this. I'm glad you are comfortable enough with your own ideas and don't feel like you have to hide all your thoughts for some irrational fear of offending someone <3

I grew up catholic with a mother who would constantly tell me that if I did bad things the devil would put me on a list (like santa in reverse). Needless to say I formed more of a relationship with the devil than with God but anyway.

I grew up believing deeply and then as I got older I started to question the existence of God and but most of all the role of the church, which I don't agree with at all. Bunch of old bastards whom have locked all women out of the decision making process. What a crock.

But anyway, I was angry for many years with people who push their religious beliefs but I have to be honest now and say that I've mellowed out about all that stuff. I'm not angry with the church anymore. In fact I quite like the peaceful feeling I get when in a church. I don't have a problem with anyone's religious beliefs. And I never say never either. I say maybe - but I'm not going to sit and pray about it.

I don't attend church with any kind of regularity but I do attend for family Christmas and Good Friday - mostly because it breaks mums heart to know that when I die I will be feasting on turkish delight and earl grey with the lucifer down near the flames and not eating fairy floss with God next to the pearly gates.

[brookem]

i once stayed in a convent for a week.

[brookem]

now for my real comment.

im glad you shared this one egan. im very much of the "to each his own" mentality, and i think if one finds something that suits them, then they are lucky. some people have such a tough time, wavering on what they believe and what they dont. you seem to have a strong grasp of your beliefs, and i think that's really admirable.

and basically, i think you rock.